r/dataisbeautiful • u/The_Watcher5292 • 10h ago
OC [OC] End of year dating app review! (21M living in London)
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u/malin7 10h ago
What happened in those 42 chats that none of them were converted to dates?
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u/PlanetMarklar 9h ago
"hey, do you want to see a statistical diagram of all my dating app activity? You're number 3121!"
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u/BenevolentCheese 8h ago
Y'all want to make fun of him but there are plenty of women in the world who would say "yes" to that question. Maybe they don't use Tinder, or maybe OP is actually trying to hide his dorkiness and act "normal," thus attracting attention from the wrong kind of women (leading to zero dates) and unintentionally turning away the ones that might actually be interested in him.
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u/GottaUseEmAll 7h ago
Yeah, I'm a nerdy female accountant geek. I'd be totally down to look at statistical dating diagrams with someone in a self-depracating way.
I found my nerdy male geek life-partner on Tinder.
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u/nartlebee 7h ago
I hate the apps because it's all hiking or gym pictures and I'd rather see their board game collection.
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u/jimmycarr1 7h ago
Noooo don't make me get rejected for my board game choices
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u/nartlebee 6h ago
If it's monopoly and jenga I'll match with you. Mainly for intervention purposes.
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u/myselfornotmyself 6h ago
Sorry to tell you all the board game loving people already have a partner to play board games with.
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u/nartlebee 6h ago
I'm at the age where people are getting divorced so I'm catching them the second time around
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u/LexiLynneLoo 7h ago
The people with board game collections tend to be swooped up a lot quicker, so you see less of them.
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u/EveyNameIsTaken_ 9h ago
"Hi"
"Hi"
The end
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u/mazi710 3h ago edited 1h ago
Literally though... I'm very mediocre looking on a good day, I started using dating apps about 6 months ago.
I only got maybe 30 matches, probably about the same stats as OP... But of those I got maybe 15 chats, and out of the 7 people I asked out on dates, 7 said yes.
I feel like OP just never actually asks them out. There's no way that many people all match, chat, and have no intention of meeting and ALL just want to waste their own time.
Say something funny, chat briefly about something on their profile, ask them out. And NOT for Netflix and chill... Almost all the women I went on a date with, says the exact same thing...
They get hundreds of likes.
Very few chats that aren't "Hi" or similar.
Nobody ever invites them on a date.
Just say something somewhat interesting, and invite them out on an actual date if you want to meet someone.
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u/Rather_Unfortunate 9h ago
That seems to be the big issue. Something is going wrong at that stage if not a single date is coming of 42 chats.
When I was doing it, it took me a while to realise that I should be suggesting meeting up super early in the chat. Like, third or fourth message. Worst that can happen is they say no, and you reply no worries and then ask again a day or two later.
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u/BigMax 9h ago
On the other side, sometimes women will match with a group of men, and their chart looks VERY different.
So when they swipe on 50 guys, they get 30 matches. (I have no idea the real numbers, but you know what I mean.) That means they get more chats than they can really keep up with, so they end up doing a second level of filtering based on that new list of 30 guys.
If you match with 1 person, you WILL talk to that person. If you match with 30? You're going to end up either ghosting some, or just putting zero effort into some of them and letting that chat die.
That's likely what happened with at least some of them, where OP got a match, but he was trying to compete with 30 other guys at the same time.
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u/lelawes 8h ago
But women who do that are overwhelming themselves. I know I can handle a max of 8 conversations at a time, so as soon as I hit about 10 right swipes, I stop and wait a day or two. Once matches go down to a few again, I start swiping again.
I have friends who do the “oh no I have way too many matches to deal with!” and realistically it’s a skill issue.
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u/butter_cookie_gurl 7h ago
Damn. 8 is too many for me!
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u/lelawes 6h ago
This is knowing that 1/2 of those will only reply once, or send a message once per day.
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u/The_Watcher5292 9h ago
Most were either bots, accidental likes on their end, or conversations that went well but just didn’t flow beyond feeling like they were just responding to messages if that makes sense
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u/Sabor117 9h ago
Just gonna back up what the other comments have said on here.
It's easy when texting someone to get lured into the trap of "waiting for the right moment" to ask them out on a date. Like, when the vibes are just right to send off the text asking to meet up.
90% of the time, this moment doesn't occur. You've got to just force the issue and be like "hey maybe you can tell me about X interest over a drink?" It might seem a bit cringe and rushed, but it's the only way to convert these matches you're getting into actual dates.
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u/DetroitPeopleMover 9h ago
This. Your chances go up big time the sooner you ditch texting. Back when I was dating, my super secret move was to actually call up women once I got a phone number instead of text. Most of them were shocked I would do that because every other guy was texting and they seemed to be into it. It also just made things move along much faster.
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u/Sabor117 9h ago
Going for a phone call off the back of getting a number is a baller move, ngl.
Couldn't do that myself, but I appreciate the game.
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u/isume 9h ago
My now wife asked me to call her on the way to our first date because she wanted to hear my voice. I told her I couldn't while driving because I didn't want to talk on the phone.
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u/gkaplan59 8h ago
The one that got away....
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u/yoy22 7h ago
Just go for it dude, worst that happens is the end of that path comes early then you find a new one.
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u/Sparrowhawk_92 8h ago
This is why phone is still king when doing sales. Even if someone is annoyed you called them, as long as they don't hang up you have a chance to convince them and convincing them via a voice conversation is much easier.
In dating, it's all the same power with much less risk.
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u/thoawaydatrash 9h ago
It is weird that it seems cringe to people. Ostensibly that's literally why everyone using the app is there.
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u/Sabor117 9h ago
I mean, I know how it felt when I was in my early twenties. I would keep text chats going waiting for that IDEAL moment where she would go "oh man I love beer" and I would say "hey me too, let's get one together?" or something.
It takes a bit of courage to just kinda push the issue, right? And at least at first, this can feel out of place in conversation.
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u/Parad1gmSh1ft 8h ago
You can also push the issue more subtly. “You like beer? I know a few good bars downtown”
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u/Sparrowhawk_92 8h ago
It's a good way to weed out bots too. If they come up with lots of excuses not to meet with you, then they're either not real or they're not actually interested and you're just wasting your time anyway.
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u/Ok-Algae7932 9h ago
This. Gotta close the time gap between messaging and meeting. As a woman, half of my first messages to men on bumble/Hinge were me asking if they were free during the week to chat about XYZ (something from their profile that caught my attention). I met my current partner on Hinge. We matched on Dec 27, and our first date was Jan 1st.
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u/ins4n1ty 7h ago
To add to this, I think for most people on dating apps, you have your mind mostly made up from the get-go on whether you'd want to meet that person in real life. Maybe there's some magical string of words that could make some people who are undecided suddenly decide they want to meet you, but I think generally if the intent, attraction etc is real on both sides, you both mostly already have your minds made up.
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u/Tulaodinho 9h ago
You have to be quick to suggest/book a date, otherwise you will never make it.
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u/Ganthid 9h ago
My rule used to be meet within a week.
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u/Synli 9h ago
Mine was to ask them if they were interested in meeting for coffee (or anything quick/"low stakes") after 5-6 messages each side.
If they're interested, great, you now have the opportunity to meet someone. If they delay or make up excuses, also great, because you were probably not compatible in the first place and now you can move on to someone else. It's a win/win either way.
(This was on Hinge btw)
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u/Leather_Amoeba466 7h ago
Yeah honestly this is the way. If the person is actually interested in dating, then this is definitely not too soon. Maybe at people who are really dating I think appreciate taking initiative.
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u/clairyboots 9h ago
You are right and I hope he takes this advice! I had no interest in being pen pals with anyone, I found writing back and forth absolutely exhausting. AND sometimes you think you've got chemistry and then you meet and you have none and you've wasted two weeks or more writing back and forth.
OR the opposite, you've got no chemistry in your messages but once you meet you connect really well.
It happened to me and I've been with my guy 3 years now and he just proposed last November. Our messages were nothing special but he suggested a date and sparks flew once we met.
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u/setibeings 9h ago
feeling like they were just responding to message
Maybe they felt like you were just sending messages.
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u/FartBrulee 9h ago
If you like the look of them and you've had an initial conversation then you literally just have to ask them if they want to go for a coffee or drink, don't wait.
If you're waiting for an incredible conversation before you ask them out then you're never gonna go on any dates. The good conversations will happen in person.
The apps make it so easy as well, the worst they can do is say no, blank you or unmatch you. You're in London, fuck it, there are literally millions more out there.
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u/Perrenekton 9h ago
Feels very different in France, asking to meet up early on is often seen as rushing things
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u/DuckRubberDuck 9h ago
I’m in Denmark it might be the same here. I would not say yes to meeting after 3-4 messages, it’s way too fast. I also don’t want to text for weeks before meeting though. I prefer texting for a few days and then to schedule a meeting. I have tried waiting too long before meeting someone and it creates a “false” view of the person, but I also have bad experience meeting too fast, because I honestly have no idea of who I’m meeting. I’m a women, idk if it makes a difference but I don’t just meet up with strangers without having some sort of feeling of who they are
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u/Finbarr-Galedeep 9h ago
My experience of dating apps is that, even when you feel the conversation is going well, in most cases you get ghosted as soon as you suggest meeting in-person. No idea why this is so.
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u/TehWildMan_ 9h ago
A huge number of dating app users will immediately ghost/unmatch the moment you start pushing for an in person meetup, in my experience.
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u/Zaptruder 9h ago
those weren't real matches in the first place. theyre bots scammers or people that had too many options.
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u/Personal-Sandwich-44 4h ago
That's fine. That means they are
Not a real user
Not interested
either way, unavailable. You want to find that information out sooner rather than later.
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u/ouqt 10h ago
I feel like all these sankey diagrams are biased because of the kind of person who makes a sankey diagram of their dating.
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u/ithinkitslupis 9h ago
Just have to find a mate that likes diagrams more than socialization is all. Then they can bump Sankeys.
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u/CaptainMorning 9h ago
screw dating, Excel is my only love
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u/ADHD33zNuts 9h ago
Are you a freak in those sheets?
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u/jillvalenti3 9h ago
Be careful: if you get too freaky in the sheets, you can quickly become a freak in a cell.
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u/AlwaysBeQuestioning 9h ago
I’d love to make a Sankey diagram showing for myself and others my non-zero success rate, but the trouble is figuring out how many Likes I’ve sent in total on an app.
I’ve met one person through Her, one through Feeld and one through Bumble. In 2025 I’ve had 6 dates through those and 6 dates with people I met outside of apps.
I think 42 chats out of 60 matches is a good success rate for OP, but 60 matches out of 3807 Likes is… abysmal? Might just be the amount of bots on Tinder, or that Tinder is heavily skewed in favour of a particular demographic, or that they really want you to pay for Tinder.
I think I had 10-20 chats on each app before I found someone I actually met up with.
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u/BigMax 9h ago
I kind of agree, but also... dating with failure rates this high has to be absolutely devastating.
So you need something else to give you a little hook to keep you going. If you just look each day and think "another 100 rejections" that is misery.
If you can think "ok, more data for the analysis" at least it gives you some other tiny reason to keep on trying. So rather than "I'd like a date but I'm a failure" you can mentally think "I'll keep working on this interesting project, and if a date comes from it someday, that would be a nice bonus."
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u/facie97 9h ago
It is devastating. Also tried apps fairly active for about a year or 2. Would get a like every 2/3 months, a match every half a year and a date once a year. Shit pretty much destroyed my confidence which now also limits me in offline dating...
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u/Organic_Statement352 7h ago
Same situation. I’m usually a positive person but I literally started telling myself recently I’m not wanted by anyone”. I mean when you get 4 dates in 2 years.. it makes you think something is wrong with you. It’s crushing. So it’s much freeing now to go meet people in real life and delete the apps. I know I can be decent in real life.
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u/MaxBonerstorm 5h ago
This is the norm for all average men on dating apps. This is in no way unusual.
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u/JimmiJimJimmiJimJim 9h ago
If you have 45 chats and 0 meets, feels like there might be a guy who has no points in charisma.
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u/Substantial_Meal_530 8h ago
I mean when I was using dating apps, most of my chats were the woman I matched with replying with 2 word answers for a day or two before I give up trying.
I only went through like 8 months or so with maybe 5 or 6 "chats". All of them went exactly as I described.
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u/wcruse92 9h ago
Right? 42 chats with 0 meets is 100% user error.
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u/reddiperson1 8h ago
It's been a few years, but I think around 1/4 of my Tinder chats turned into dates. Tons of people never reply to messages or only want to chat, but 0/42 is something more than being unlucky.
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u/PsychoticDust 9h ago
Agreed. I've been single for a handful of months, and I've been on dates with 4 people. I don't use the apps very often, and I'm pretty average looking.
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u/12345623567 8h ago
The apps penalize power-users (like this guy who sent 3500 likes), it's all part of the gamey-fication of online dating.
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u/hrokrin 9h ago
I'd argue the apps might be the problem.
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u/DerpNinjaWarrior 8h ago
People need to realize how the apps make their money. They don't make money by you finding a relationship in a month. They want to string you along as long as possible. They're not incentivized to find you love, just to make you think they can help. (And that they aren't the issue in the first place.)
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u/dracobatman 9h ago
Correlation doesnt often mean causation, but.... idk like to see the ranges of people who go outta their way to make a diagram of their matches.
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u/The_Watcher5292 9h ago
It didn’t take a lot of time, I think I made this over 1 cup of tea
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u/Larkapod 9h ago edited 9h ago
Ignore them, OP.
Unless you are unusual, 21 is a tough time to date. Especially online. Especially for guys.
You are probably still figuring yourself out and so are the people you are trying to date. I am no gender essentialist, but —even in 2026– women still generally prefer older, established partners. Your potential partners are getting a lot of attention online, much of which is unwanted, so they have to filter to remain sane. Some of the ones that may be a good match for you are themselves exploring— they aren’t ready for you yet.
This will likely improve as you and your cohort age. It’s also easier in person (and over shared interests/hobbies).
In my opinion, this is a uniquely difficult time to meet romantic/life partners. I feel for your generation (for this and other reasons). I hope (and suspect) it will get better for you, but what do I know as a late blooming (and thankfully partnered) GeXer?
Good luck. And take care.
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u/gnufoot 8h ago
I'm 35, and it's still shit. Thankfully well over 0 meetups a year, but people on dating apps -suck-. Not saying they are bad people in general or poor matches, but the way they act sucks. It feels like it has become the norm to ghost or fade. If things don't work out and they lose interest, that is 100% fine. But IMO if you've gone on 1 or multiple dates with someone, you owe it to them to communicate to them if you've lost interest, rather than unmatching without a word (after saying they'd like to meet up again, even!) or ignoring people.
I'd love to find my person, and the going on dates part itself is nice, but everything around it is horribly depressing. The moment someone loses interest in you it feels like you stop being a human being to them.
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u/aris_ada 4h ago
I'm 41, I spent the second half of 2024 swiping and trying dating and met someone on that platform in January 2025 (just had our 1 year anniversary). I went on 4 different platforms, I can't count how many swipes I made, but I had long chat (i.e. continuous for a few days) with ~8 women. Two ghosted me abruptly (stopped answering mid discussion). Eventually I only met 4 women, all very nice who I have had second dates with. One broke my heart (I had a huge crush on her but she pulled back after the 3rd date) but eventually I met a wonderful lady 3 months later.
I rate my experience as miserable. Having dates, discussing and meeting each other was fun but getting from swipe to match+chat is tedious and seriously biting into your self-esteem.
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u/el_smurfo 5h ago
I experienced this second hand through my younger coworkers and it seems super toxic. Even if he would get an in person meetup, many of the women seemed highly fearful in a way that only internet misinformation could make a person behave.
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u/Organic_Statement352 8h ago
Late 20s here. Stable financially, mentally and fitness wise. I look like any other human, yet nothing from these apps. I don’t think OPs age is a problem. I actually don’t know what’s the problem. They might work for a few people only.
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u/noeffeks 7h ago
The thing about dating apps is you're trading convenience for quality. Dating apps are about as low effort a way to meet someone we've come up with so far. So it's going to provide low effort results. Genuine people looking for opposite sex partners regardless of male or female report low satisfaction from dating apps.
Garbage in, garbage out. You're sifting through thousands of people with a flick of a thumb.
The problem is like any other problem where convenience is being prioritized over quality... people still keep choosing the convenience even if they know it's detrimental, because monkey in pants.
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u/Organic_Statement352 7h ago
Very true. Though you always think there will be someone who is decent and just couldn’t find anything from other sources so she’s there.
And it took me some time to realize this. I deleted them in 2026 because I was simply not doing much else. It was convenient to work all day and then crash to bed with the hopes that I’ll get a match and go on a date. It keeps telling your brain: “it will come out of nowhere at some point”. Which it didn’t.
Now I’m on my own. If I don’t exit the home and go do something I will literally be in this stage forever. So I am coming up with plans now.
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u/Creative_Story3911 9h ago edited 9h ago
I’d like to make one for my Tinder experience, because I only went on one first date and eventually married that person. That first date was in 2017 when Tinder was pretty new. That’s the only piece of data I have, though.
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u/imathrowyaaway 9h ago
I did a sankey diagram a while back. Also some barcharts to help me better understand trends in my dating life. I also kept tables with scores that I assigned to various areas of the connection I had with a person. Things like my subjective perceived chemistry, how much fun I had, how infatuated I felt, how deep of a connection we I think we built, how much I feel I overextended, how much I regretted the connection in hindsight, etc. Scale of 0-5, with 0.25 increments.
I also added notes on areas that I couldn't evaluate on that scale, such as who was the person who ended things, my guess at their attachment style, etc. Sorted by year, with yearly summary statistics.
Honestly, it was super informative for me. It help me identify some blind spots and negative tendencies.
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u/jjpearson 9h ago
It’s way easier to just get an autism diagnosis.
But joking aside, it is awesome that you did data gathering and analysis for improvement. It’s absolutely bonkers the number of people I see who strike out on dating and instead of say, trying something new, they decide to double down.
I’m trying to build a house and only using a saw isn’t working. I should get a bigger saw!
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u/mazty 9h ago
Nah, when OkCupid (remember them?) did an assessment of the matches and genders, it found that women tend to rate men as unattractive beyond what normal distribution would dictate.
So either all men using dating apps are ugly, not women, or women are overly critical of looks. Have a look at the data and decide for yourself:
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u/Eric9060 10h ago
Might as well have made it a spreadsheet, boss
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u/Vondi 9h ago
Or just scale the large piece a bit down so people can see the other slices.
It doesn't need to be exactly to scale.
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u/its_justme 9h ago
This presentation of data is horrible. There’s no flow and the data points are shotgun blasted everywhere. I don’t even know what you’re trying to show 2/10
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u/1LuckFogic 8h ago
Op gets no bitches and can’t even satisfy the standards of the nerd community. Hope he’s doing ok
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u/fauxfilosopher 8h ago
If we don't hear from him again we'll have to assume it was this comment that did him in
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u/swirlinglaughter 8h ago
Yeah as someone who uses sankeymatic a lot it's actually baffling how it ended up this way
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u/Panndademic 8h ago
For real, I dislike Sankey diagrams even when they're good. This one tells you little at a glance (should be able to glean SOMETHING at a glance if the presentation of data is actually beautiful)
Presentation wise I'd compare it to a pie chart with too many tiny slices
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u/iamagainstit 7h ago
Agreed on both accounts, although another user redid OP's diagram in a way that actually presents the sankey in a somewhat useful way https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1qngexg/comment/o1tirde/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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u/derrick2462 9h ago
I deleted Tinder five years ago after getting just one date in an entire year of using it. From what I can see now, the app has only gotten worse. Wow. Just don’t use it. It’s a complete waste of time. And never pay for premium.
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u/king_jaxy 9h ago
Bleak chart, bleak comments
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u/No_Magician5266 8h ago
The pattern that stands out to me in the comments is that everyone assumes the lack of meetups is a flaw against OP. To be fair, the data doesn’t show whether or not he was rejected. For all we know, he was the one who decided those chats weren’t worth pursuing further
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u/therealdanhill 7h ago
Yeah.
The internet allows for everyone to be the perfect version of themselves, so of course people have the ability to relentlessly judge others in the worst possible light, and I think it says something important about the people that engage in behavior like that.
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u/Cash50000 8h ago
everyone just keeps digging to grasp at literally anything. apparently he's not pushy enough, but i guarantee if he was, they'd blame that instead. all not to admit that dating apps are just a complete waste of time, because the world has pushed all romance onto them and to throw them away would leave us with nothing
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u/jxl180 10h ago edited 10h ago
Out of 42 chats you couldn’t get a single first date in person? 🤨
There’s def something odd going on here. I set a date after ~5 messages because no one wants a penpal and how people act over text is usually very different than in person.
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u/TA-MajestyPalm 9h ago
Yup. Until you meet in person you are just another profile.
I always try to get off the app within a few messages to text which makes it slightly more "official". Then try and get a quick low stress date setup for that week.
If they are hesitant or making it difficult....move on
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u/ffxivthrowaway03 9h ago
Which ultimately illustrates the flaws with these platforms.
From the user end, the vast majority are not actually seriously looking to meet someone with the intent to start an exclusive relationship. Whether that's because they're bots, they're young and just "looking," their friend told them to make a profile, they're just looking for hookups, whatever. So anyone actually looking for that is looking for a needle in a haystack from jump.
From the platform, their entire algorithm is targeting the "near miss." They want people to interact for a little bit, but not seal the deal, because that means they're no longer using the app. There's often hostile matching built into these algorithms specifically to steer you away from profiles that would actually be a good match (I had reproducible empirical evidence at least OkCupid was doing this about 10 years ago). Not enough interaction and users get frustrated and move on, too much interaction leads to real dates and two users no longer on the platform. So the money is in making sure you don't feel like you're being taken for a ride, but you're definitely being taken for a ride. It's the same psychology as casino gambling.
Between that and research showing (IIRC) that you've got about 3 messages before someone completely loses interest and you're spot on - if you want to beat the odds, or at least identify the people who aren't playing for keeps, you need to get off the app ASAP.
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u/Academic-Pangolin883 8h ago
I believe you that OK Cupid was doing this. But man, they must be doing it wrong. I know like, 5-6 married couples (including me) in my city alone who met on OK Cupid.
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u/Don_Equis 8h ago
They need a low success rate, not a 0 success rate. But overall they need to maximize user retention which is probably closer to no success for must of people rather than actual success.
Also they need to improve profit, so the failures need to seem solvable by paying.
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u/keksx_ 9h ago
I think it really depends on preference. When I matched with more "nerdy" persons, we spent more time texting, and even decided not to meet if the vibes were off. Other matches were dates after 2-3 days, sometimes even on the same day.
But in the end, I ended up with someone that I texted with for almost 2 weeks before meeting in person.
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u/Brayzure 9h ago
That's how it worked out with my now-wife. We chatted for two weeks before I suggested a date at a board game cafe. Worked great, everyone is different in what they're looking for. If I tried to push a date in the first couple days of us talking, I don't think she'd have been keen.
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u/Denesis417 8h ago
I'm a single dad and I have two jobs, so when I was still on hinge, I wanted to text for some time to get to know the other person and their beliefs and values and if our personalities match. I didn't have time to waste for lots of dates that would ultimately have no purpose. I am now happily in a relationship with a woman, and we've been texting for 3 weeks before meeting up
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u/fitzwilliiam 7h ago
I'm with you on this one! I've found that a lot of people like speed running things, and based on the comments here I guess that works for a lot of people. But as an introverted nerdy type, meeting up with a stranger can be really nerve wracking, so I like to spend longer talking. I usually found it a bit of a turn-off if guys asked after just a couple messages.
Ironically, my current boyfriend I met on Hinge, and he did ask me out after just a few messages. I didn't like it, but I was about to delete the app and give up on dating, so I figured I might as well try one last date. Lucky I did!
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u/Homerbola92 9h ago
Maybe s/he's ugly?
Edit: I just saw him, he seems normal.
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u/Splinterfight 9h ago
They’re getting matches, but then it seems to stop dead when they start talking
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u/clairyboots 9h ago
You are completely right! I had no interest in being pen pals with anyone, I found writing back and forth absolutely exhausting and not at all indicative of how well you will get along with each other. You think you've got chemistry and then you meet and you have none and you've wasted two weeks or more writing back and forth.
OR the opposite, you've got no chemistry in your messages but once you meet you connect really well.
It happened to me and I've been with my guy 3 years now and he just proposed last November. Our messages were nothing special but he suggested a date and sparks flew once we met.
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u/SvenTropics 8h ago
As expected, Hinge is dramatically outperforming Tinder. However, the match rates on both are pretty dismal still..
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u/Dasinc 9h ago
I am so glad I didn't grow up trying to get dates via an app. As an ugly dude, I never would have got any swipes and never had a chance for my personality to give me a shot. As it was as a teenager in the 80's I had no trouble getting dates as I was able to talk to women and shows them who I am. Now, with messaging it is hard to get a feel for a person. So easy to portray mis-represent yourself via text, harder in person.
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u/Dasinc 9h ago
I'd love to know how many younger people actually meet partners organically instead of via the apps.
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u/KONUG 5h ago
That's standard for like 85% of all guys on online dating platforms.
Really, don't waste your time and money.
Go out and spend your time alone with great hobbies that really make you happy.
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u/MMOToaster 9h ago
Every time I think of installing a dating app, I see graphs like this and I immediately change my mind.
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u/Theseactuallydo 6h ago
I’m a regular looking guy that struggled horribly to just meet women well into my mid-thirties.
Finally got on the apps, put up a bunch of pictures of me looking groomed and happy and normal, and swiped on women I was actually interested in.
Had a bunch of conversations where I behaved like a sane and respectful person, went on a few dates, and in three or four months I was in a relationship with an amazing woman that I am now married to.
Anecdotal of course.
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u/horse_examiner 8h ago
Someone who works at the dating apps just came when they saw this
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u/QuantumWarrior 9h ago edited 9h ago
I don't understand why the average person even uses these kind of apps anymore, it must be utterly crushing the self esteem of teens and early-20s crowds.
Like if you just cold approached random strangers in a bar or a bookshop or something you'd have to be the ugliest and least personable human on Earth to go zero for 4000 for even something as simple as a coffee date, but on Tinder that's just how it goes for someone who I assume is a perfectly average person. Edit: just saw the selfie, someone who is genuinely quite good looking and has a nice smile.
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u/Kcufasu 9h ago
I don't use or see the appeal in apps either but swiping on 4000 people requires far less effort than even asking 3 or 4 people in person at a bookshop so I guess there's that
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u/QuantumWarrior 9h ago
I think that's actually the biggest trap the dating apps are relying on. They position it as being low effort, you can filter through loads of people to find Mr or Mrs Perfect, you can do it from the comfort of your home etc but all it does is breed apathy towards the platform and everyone you talk to on it.
Chats don't feel real on there. I mean think about who you know in real life, do you even know the first name of 4000 people? It's just the illusion of socialisation, that's why match rates are so low and conversation-to-date conversions almost never happen.
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u/DaBiChef 7h ago edited 6h ago
A big part of it for me historically was that I had spent like 23 years hearing all the ways women hated men expressing interest in them irl, which culimated in every conceivable way to pursue someone irl.
"I hate guys talking to me at the bar, I'm here to drink with friends!"
"I hate when guys ask me out after being friends, he was never my friend and just wanted to fuck!"
"I hate when guys talk to me at social clubs/events. I'm not here to be bothered by you!"
I could see a cute girl at the bar, or gym, or bookstore/library but my thought was always "she doesn't want to be bothered and I don't want to be that guy" and thus I left her alone. I've talked to so many other guys who have been wrecked because of that. So going on the apps was a way to know there was some interest on her part. Now though people are so averse to talking to strangers, or doing anything new, as people work and then head home to doomscroll on their phones so it's harder and harder to meet people IRL. I've given up on the apps (and honestly dating but that's because being a bi man in a smallish town fucking sucks), and can talk to people just fine but taking that next step of expressing interest irl is still something I struggle with.
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edit: and yes, this absolutely killed my self esteem even though I got far more matches more regularly than most guys but I really feel where we are at is not hard to gather:
A lot of men have at best made women feel uncomfortable with their advances
Women then complain about those behaviors and with love, have not expressed those frustrations well
Decent guys hear all the ways never to act. They start to pull back on neutral or positive interactions for fear of being a negative one.
Shitty men aren't about to start listening to women's thoughts so keep on being shitty.
Dating apps arrive as a service to side step this, but this has only pushed the most socially acceptable space for romance and love to a for-profit industry.
So how do we solve this?
Shitty guys grow a conscious
Women start being more pro-active in pursuing men
Dating app companies focus on connection over profit
Decent men start uninternalizing all the messages they've heard.
With love, the first three aren't happening. The fourth is also a tough sell because we're basically going "hey I know you care about women's experiences and thoughts, but you can't trust them to say what they actually mean, so ignore what they have said but in a feminist way!". On top of this when guys ask women for advice on how to get a gf, they're largely told "just wash your ass and treat her like a person! The bar is literally in hell!!!". Women give great advice at keeping a relationship but (and again, I say with nothing but love) I don't think most understand what it's like to being the party who has to pursue a relationship, so their advice for getting a relationship is not great. My honest advice for decent guys strugglign with this is as follows:
You're not wrong or oppressive or predatory for finding a woman attractive. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation, if you're feeling she's not super into it then give her an out, smile and be on your way. If you are maybe feeling something, there's nothign wrong with asking her out. If she says no, smile, give her an out, and be on your way. If say a woman can't handle going to a gym where a man politely asked her out then took her rejection well and isn't making it her problem in any way? that's on her, not you man.
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u/A_Bit_Of_Nonsense 10h ago
Not trying to be funny here but if you got no dates in a year of activity on dating apps, you really need to maybe work on why that is.
Seems like its just a massive waste of your energy if you arent trying to fix any underlying problems.
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u/Xixii 9h ago
It’s normal. Even below-average looking women can get 50-100 matches (or more) every single day on these apps. I’ve seen my (female) friend’s tinder account and it’s overwhelming with the amount of messages she gets. Most of them she ignores. You just can’t engage with that many people, it’s too much. Even if the guy has really good game it can be pure luck as to whether he catches the woman he matched with in a state ready for conversation, cause if she’s been talking to other guys for a while she might be completely exhausted and just start unmatching and ignoring. Dating apps are a horrible experience for both men and women, just for different reasons.
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u/mesonofgib 8h ago
If she's getting this many messages then why the hell is she swiping right 50-100 times per day!?
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u/GodOfThunder101 8h ago
You would be shocked on how normal this is for the vast majority of people.
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u/spoonerluv 10h ago
Too busy collecting data points for graphs to focus on the date.
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u/The_Watcher5292 9h ago
I mean, I didn’t count this data, I just asked hinge and tinder for it and they gave it to me lol
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u/The_Watcher5292 9h ago
I mean - I don’t think I have any underlying problems.
I have lots of great friends (both men and women), I have a stable job which allows me to live on my own, I eat clean, I’ve got hobbies (albeit not a lot of social hobbies, but hobbies nevertheless).
Overall I’m very happy, when it comes to dating apps I just don’t get as much interest from people consistently, those 42 matches were people who weren’t replying or were bots, idk how else to explain it without showing more of the data
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u/Vepanion 9h ago
My experience was the same (well, actually far fewer matches). I just deleted them, it's a waste of time.
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u/Madouc 8h ago
This is a very sad story in one picture.
I was 21 in the year 1992 and despite AIDS being a constant death threat there was a lot of real romance.
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u/The_Watcher5292 8h ago
I mean, it’s not too sad when you realise that most of the likes I sent out were probably never seen, no different to when you’d see someone on the street and never see them again haha
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u/NeonGurll 9h ago
Another year of data looking poor as usual, another year of people not leaving dating apps.
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u/plasticbug 9h ago
I feel like OP might have more luck randomly asking 100 women out. But rejections IRL are definitely more awkward
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u/umotex12 8h ago
It's insane we let these companies replace natural relationships almost completely.
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u/wap2005 6h ago
When you get older it becomes harder to meet people, I have been with the same girl for 17 years so I can't speak specifically to romantic relationships but my girlfriend and I have talked about how hard it is just to make friends at our age.
We don't want kids (or even like them) and all of our friends growing up either moved to another state or have kids, we don't have many people to "hangout" with. On the other hand, we really enjoy each other's company so it doesn't feel like much of a loss, we see our out of state friends a few times a year even, but I could imagine people our age (38 & 39) have a hard time meeting people.
Bars feel like places for single people (I'm also sober), clubs are terrible places that shouldn't exist, no one meets in a park except in movies, most places you go these days people aren't even there to meet other people, they just want to be left alone.
I guess what I'm getting at is that I think these apps are wonderful for some people, everyone deserves someone to love and if they are struggling to figure out how then these apps can help them with that.
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u/The_Watcher5292 10h ago
Made with Snakeymatic based on data exported by Hinge and Tinder
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u/OrangeHer 9h ago
i know that anxiety is a real thing, but i feel like it's easier to chat up someone on the street rather than desperately swiping right on tinder for a year and still not meeting anyone
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u/jointheredditarmy 8h ago
Honestly this needs to be 2 separate charts…. There is zero visualization value having this in a single chart an just makes it more difficult to read
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u/Advanced_Host5517 8h ago
For context, ive been with my wife for coming on 11 years now. I remember before we got together tinder had just become a thing and I guess people were having more fun with it I dunno. But is this basically the way people date nowadays because then how is anyone getting with anyone?
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u/restelucide 7h ago
Honestly this is half you and half just living in London. It's one of the most soul crushing cities in the world for maintaining a dating life. The keeping track of your dating app activity and running it through PowerBI thing is certainly not helping don't get me wrong. However London is by far the most unforgiving city I've ever lived in as a dating person in my 20s.
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u/Zestyclose-Door-541 5h ago
42 chats and not one date?? What are you saying to these women? Or are you not saying things?
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u/kanzakiranko 4h ago
42 chats to 0 dates sounds like a you problem tbqh, although the rest does feel reasonable
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u/Connathon 9h ago
I feel like it's obligatory to post a selfie when you do this. or post a headless shirtless picture
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u/jellotalks 9h ago edited 3h ago
Your match rate on Hinge is way higher, just delete Tinder
Edit: match instead of success