I (28m) woke up to a text this morning from my best friend (28m) of 21 years after he went no contact out of the blue 8 months ago. No warning, no explanation. Just gone. He stopped answering calls, texts, I’ve tried showing up at his house to see if he was okay with no response. Any effort of support or encouragement on my end, was ignored.

Before this, him and I would talk on the phone multiple times a week and we would hangout quite often. We never fought or argued or had any kind of falling out. So for him to just disappear was confusing and sad. The first few months I was extremely worried about his well being. He’s always been the type to bottle his emotions and not talk about problems he’s dealing with. So I was concerned something happened that made him shut down.

That was until I found out he was still talking to one our mutual friends who lives in another state the entire time. I tried reaching out to the mutual friend and asking him if everything was okay and got left on reads.

After about 5 months I gave up trying to reach out. I started to accept that he didn’t want to be friends. Whatever reason he had was good enough for him to throwaway a 21 year long friendship. I’ve been grieving the loss of my best friend ever since.

Then this morning I woke up to this text from him. AIO for feeling angry and sad and like I don’t even want to respond back? Not out of pettiness but because he dropped me with no explanation?

My children’s father and I were together about 10 years before breaking up almost two years ago. We’ve been coparenting our 7 year old son and 2 year old daughter out of court.

Two months ago, my son spent his dad’s weekend at his grandmother’s house. After he got back home with me, I was getting him ready for bed and noticed a big dark red mark on the back of his shoulder. I asked him what had happened and he explained to me, “grandma told me she was wrestling me in her bed and kissed me too hard but I don’t really remember.” I took a photo of it and attempted to subtlety get more information but didn’t want to make him feel weird or scared. Trying to process that my 7 year old had a hickey from his grandma, I couldn’t wrap my head around what the truth of the situation could be. I tried to come up with any innocent explanation, but I couldn’t. Even with no evil intent, it crossed so many boundaries. I felt like the world as I knew it was shattering around me, a really disgusting feeling.

I told his dad what had happened and he was totally shaken up and in disbelief. After discussing everything, we decided to approach his mom together and ask her what happened. We decided to sit down in person so we could watch her reactions and body language. We asked her what the mark was and she tried to write it off as nothing. She kept laughing saying it was a silly mistake while we sat there visibly uncomfortable. When we didn’t accept her answer she got defensive and angry, even threatening us that we aren’t perfect parents. She ended up telling a similar story to my son’s with a few details changed, she said he was fully awake when it happened while he maintains being asleep and not remembering it.

My ex and I agreed that she should never be alone with the kids again and that it would be some time before any type of contact. Over the next few weeks, she reached out to both of us multiple times asking to see the kids. During Christmas she insisted on seeing them and my ex gave in and went there with them for a few hours. I’m not sure if they’ve seen her since then or not. My ex lies about their whereabouts frequently so I don’t know for sure. My ex now lets his mom talk to my son on the phone and she tells him that he needs to convince me to let him have sleepovers with her again. She’s created a camp with her family and friends who have all heard some version of the story from her and think we’re really wrong for keeping the kids from her. My mom also thinks I’m being too extreme, reasoning that my ex’s mom has always been very generous and helpful to me and that I need her. My friends think I should take it even more seriously and report it. I would do anything to protect my kids, they’re all I live for.

I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. Every bone in my body screams that it’s not okay and that she should not be around my kids. My gut feels rage that my ex is starting to give in to her. Taking any chance isn’t worth the risk to me. I am here because I know I’m either overreacting or underreacting. I really have no idea. Do I report it? Do I put him in therapy and let a mandated reporter decide? Do I just hold firm on my boundary? Do I let her see him again? Any advice appreciated greatly.

I, 19 F, just moved back home after a terrible semester at my dream university. I ended up transferring to a school I never even saw myself at. When I got back home, my mom’s rule for me to live with her is that I have to have a job. During Thanksgiving break, I struggled to find a job and as a last resort, ended up calling a bunch of places, one of them being a local coffee shop. I used to visit this place all the time when I was younger, so I figured I would try to work there.

They took my name and number and by the next day, I had an interview scheduled. I ended up getting the job and started work the day after I officially moved back home. At first, everything was fine. I enjoyed it. I loved serving customers and making coffees. Until January.

January rolls around and I start hating it. Not because of the customers or the job, but my coworkers. One of them is the owner’s son and the other is the son’s best friend. They both act up the entire time they work together. Everytime they get scheduled, which happens to be when I get scheduled, they leave me up front and I end up doing both of their jobs for them. Recently, both of them started leaving early when they were scheduled without each other so they could hang out and I would have to close alone (we close at 9 PM). Everytime I clock out early, I get in trouble. But if they clock out whenever, it’s fine..

Anyways, school starts back. For reference, I’m a commuter student in school for mechanical engineering. I have class everyday, most days until 2:15 and I have to take the bus to my car because my classes are on the engineering side of campus. Anywho, I requested that I be scheduled no more than 4 days and that 4 days is pushing it. I also wrote my schedule down and texted it to both managers and they have it next to the computer. The first week of class, I got scheduled 4 days, all days during class. I mentioned it to them and then the second week, they scheduled me 30 hours (5 days). They scheduled me during class again. I reminded them that I wouldn’t be able to work 5 days this week because I now have three tests to study for and I need time to focus on school. They say “we understand and we will keep this in mind”. They schedule me 31 hours (5 days). They scheduled me during class again and also on my niece’s 1st birthday which I had requested off already.

Anyways, here’s the big part of the story. I will preface this by saying, I am a little overweight. Anywho, today, we opened despite the ice on the roads. I went in and my other coworkers were there (the owner’s son and his friend). Both of them are Hispanic and they speak Spanish when they want to talk shit, thinking that I won’t understand them. They do it regularly. Today, they stood in front of the register and I thought I had enough room to get by but apparently not. I tripped into one of them and they yelled “quitate gorda” at me thinking I didn’t understand. So they said “get out of the way fat girl”. This made me really upset obviously and I honestly think it’s my last straw. They never get in trouble for these things because they have it good with the owner.

I was already applying for other jobs but now I’m trying to have a different one by the end of this week and not put in a 2 week notice and just get the hell out. Reddit, AIO if I just don’t put my two week notice in and never come back? Would it be overreacting if I don’t even tell them?

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I feel like I’m losing my grip on what’s reasonable here.

My boyfriend and I have been together a while (long-distance). Trust and honesty are huge values for both of us. He has explicitly said multiple times that small lies are worse than big ones and that lying really bothers him.

Before we added each other on Steam, I could see his profile publicly. I wasn’t logged in and wasn’t friends with him. His username was visible. His game activity was visible. What he was currently playing was visible. His playtime and recent games were visible. His friends list was visible.

I didn’t say anything about this and he had no idea I had seen his profile before.

When we decided to add each other on Steam, right before adding me, he changed his username. He made his profile private. He hid game activity. He hid playtime and recently played games. He hid his friends list.

So when I added him, I suddenly couldn’t see anything.

This immediately felt off to me, so I asked about it casually.

He told me that he always puts his profile on private. He told me that he only does it when he’s offline. He told me that it’s just how he uses Steam. He told me that he does it to stop comments.

But I know for a fact that isn’t true, because his profile had been public the entire time before he added me. Nothing was private until right before adding me.

When I pointed out that things didn’t line up, he doubled down and said, “If I tell you the truth and you don’t believe me, what am I supposed to do?” He also said, “My honesty doesn’t matter if you don’t trust me.”

He did undo part of it briefly and made some things visible again, but he kept his friends list hidden. He kept his gaming history hidden. He kept his playtime hidden. Those things are still hidden now.

I didn’t accuse him of cheating or doing anything wrong. I only said it didn’t sit right with me. But he continues to insist he wasn’t hiding anything and that I’m just misunderstanding.

The issue for me isn’t Steam itself. It’s that he changed multiple settings right before adding me. He changed his username. He gave explanations that don’t match how Steam actually works. He says he always does this, when I know he doesn’t. He’s still hiding parts of his activity now.

I genuinely don’t understand why he’d need to hide anything, especially since I’ve never once restricted his gaming, time, friends, or anything else.

I’m not trying to catch him. I just want to know if this would feel like a red flag to other people, or if I’m overthinking it.

My gf sent me this reel where this guy basically just gets turned on by his girl. Which is harmless in it of itself. But we’ve had prior conversations surrounding intimacy or lack thereof. Initially it felt like something I could be passive about and maybe not give it a response but I feel like telling your partner they should be like someone else isn’t okay and when I expressed that to her, she emphasized that it was a joke, that I was projecting, that she didn’t mean it that way, and didn’t think there was anything wrong with that she said.

I (29M) am married to my wife (28F). Lately I’ve been struggling with my mother-in-law, who has a tendency to interfere and voice strong opinions about how things are handled in our household.

Last Thursday, there was an incident at our home involving my family that she strongly disagreed with — specifically the way I handled it. She made it very clear she didn’t approve.

On Saturday, during what was supposed to be a pleasant birthday gathering, she hijacked a conversation and turned it into a confrontational discussion directed at me. I initially tried to calmly explain my reasoning, but she shut that down by saying she absolutely disagreed and made no effort to see my side. At that point I told her I wasn’t in the mood to argue during a family celebration and walked away.

Then on Monday late morning, my wife and I had to leave for an important meeting related to the Thursday situation. I came downstairs from my home office, and my mother-in-law was there unexpectedly. At first I thought she’d just stopped by to see our child, which would’ve been fine — but very quickly the conversation turned again into what she disagreed with and what I supposedly did wrong.

I repeatedly told her this wasn’t a good moment: I had just finished working and we were literally about to walk out the door. She ignored that and kept pushing her point. Eventually I just put my shoes on, said again that we really had to leave, and my wife and I left. I was still polite — I said goodbye properly and responded respectfully to what she said.

At this point, I’m honestly done. I’ve taken some distance from her because I feel like my boundaries keep being ignored. However, my wife thinks I’m overreacting and doesn’t agree with me pulling back.

So… AIO for creating distance from my mother-in-law after this?

There’s this woman (let’s call her B) who lives across the road from us. I swear from the moment my daughter was born, every single time I’ve seen this woman in passing, she says she’s going to “mind” my baby and that I should let her know if I want time alone and just drop her off.

I have never had any other conversations with this woman prior to my daughter being born.

Even in front of friends, we’ve run into her at the shops and she’ll say things like, “Hi baby, I’m going to mind you soon.” I’m just so confused as I’ve never indicated that I would ever let her mind my baby.

Anyway, she adds me on Facebook and then messages me saying something like: let me know about the baby, you and your partner can go have drinks at the pub, I’ll look after her, you two deserve a night off.

I replied politely and said I appreciate the offer, but my baby hasn’t been out of my sight since she was born, I don’t need a “break” because she’s perfect, and we’re basically joined at the hip.

Then she replies again with this message saying that my daughter needs to get used to her and to let her know when we are going to the park next and left a sentence in South African which translated to “It takes a village to raise a baby.”

At this point I just want her to stop offering to take my baby.

Am I overreacting or is this weird as hell?

I have recently gained weight and it has been debilitating for my mental health. I saw a dietician finally to try and figure out what is going on and according to my BMI I have reached the “obese” range for my height. At my healthiest I was around 125 at 5 ft 2. Now I am right at 160.

My husband has been working out and hitting the gym consistently and is seeing results! Meanwhile, I had to buy some workout equipment and workout in my office because he didn’t want me to go in the morning before work as that’s when he goes. I can’t go after work because he’s been home with our toddler and it isn’t fair for me to be at the gym when I’ve already been gone all day.

After I had a professional use the words “obese” it sent me into an irrational panic. I struggled with ED’s my whole adolescent and young adult life. So, this is an extremely sensitive subject for me.

I sent this text (blue) to my husband and this was his response. He only pointed to disrupting his routine. Completely overlooking my vulnerability. I feel like he proved my points. He’s always telling me that I’m too emotional and I know that my emotions make him uncomfortable sometimes. I do need to lose weight. I know that. But now I feel like if I don’t he in fact doesn’t think I’m pretty.

my mom (typically sees my kid twice a year) was in charge of my daughter (5) while I was on a work Zoom. I was upstairs locked in a bedroom. About one hour into the call my daughter is crying, knocking, begging for me to open the door. I ignored assuming my mom would handle, but eventually it didn’t stop so I opened the door and (video off and mute) asked my daughter where her grandma was. My daughter said she didn’t know and that she had left. My mom just walked out the door and drove away to run an errand without a word assuming that my daughter would 1. not leave the house and 2. I would open the door. My mom was gone for one hour.

I did confront her when she finally came home and she essentially gaslight me, telling me she was sorry I was scared but she knew my daughter wouldn’t have left my door. After I told my dad (who I’ve always had a good relationship with) that my mom was negligent and I basically didn’t want to see them again for a long time. She was honestly not a great mom and I have a lot of resentment toward her, so I need a gut check. Am I overreacting or am I right to basically never want her alone with my child again?

(M30)I’m genuinely looking for outside perspective because this situation escalated and I’m not sure if I’m missing something.

Last night I was in bed laid up and my wife thought it would be funny to put her cold hands on my stomach to talk to me. I jumped up and my arm moved instinctively and made contact with her leg with the back of my hand. My hand was closed, but it was not intentional it was a reflex reaction while reacting to cold hands touching me.

I immediately realized what happened and apologized. I explained that her hands were super cold and i reacted instinctively. I never intended to hit her.

She keeps saying that I punched her and is standing firm on that wording. I keep saying I didn’t punch her because there was no intent it was a reflex. The argument escalated, and she eventually insulted me, which made me more aggravated. Calling me slow for not knowing the difference between punch and hit.

I fully understand that she was hit and that it scared or upset her, and I’ve acknowledged that and apologized. Where I’m stuck is whether I’m wrong for pushing back on the word punched, because to me that implies intent, which I did not have.

I (32F) suggested my mom leave my dad the other day and I'm wondering if I'm being a bit too harsh.

My parents are in their 50s and got married when they were pretty young. They've stayed together through a lot of ups and downs and many years of being absolutely dirt poor broke. They finally reached a pretty stable lifestyle towards the end of my teens and became homeowners in their 40s.

Almost 2 years ago my dad was fired from his job. He needs a surgery so at first my parents decided he would get the surgery, rest and recover (a couple of months), and then rejoin the workforce. Over the past two years, he has not had that surgery done and it's not even scheduled at this point. He won't make his own doctors appointments and will only go if my mom takes him. He hasn't applied for any other positions that I'm aware of, done any training or education, or made any financial contributions to the home. He also does little to no work around the home, even things like dishes or mowing the lawn.

As a result of him being fired, my mom has had to increase her hours at work to about 60 hours a week to be able to maintain their lifestyle and pay the bills. She makes decent money but she is self employed and does not have health insurance as an option through work, therefore she's paying more than their mortgage for health insurance each month. On top of this financial strain, my mom's health has been rapidly declining. She has had two hospalizations in the past two years and has multiple chronic illnesses which will realistically give her about 10 more years to live at most. The added stress and work hours have obviously not been helping her health as well.

I tried to discuss this situation with my dad a couple months after he was fired and he suggested self canceling so I dropped it. I brought this subject up again the other night and he yelled at me and said he was depressed.

I love my parents and I want them to be happy but I'm fed up with my dad putting my mom in this terrible situation. I finally reached a point where I told her I think she should leave him. AIO?

Advice also welcome.

Edit: I see several concerns about getting him help for his mental health. We've been suggesting this for years, even before he was fired. Unfortunately, he is not willing to go to therapy or discuss depression with his general doctor.

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. For the most part things are good in the relationship but a big problem is our sex life. My girlfriend suffers from depression and 18 months ago she was put on some new meds which have got rid of her sex drive. Our sex life is pretty much non existent now. 

We've spoke about it a few times and she's mentioned wanting me to initiate more but when I try she just says no. She was having therapy for unrelated reason a couple of months ago.

I mentioned to her to ask her therapist what he thinks and get some suggestions from him. She said she doesn't know and that she might. 

Her therapy has stopped now and I asked if she brought it up to him and she said no. I pointed out if she doesn't do anything about the issue then it's not going to get resolved. I said that sex is a big part of a relationship and it's not something I'm willing to just go without.

I said I understood it's hard but unless she actually starts putting in some work to resolve our issues then it would likely mean we'd break up. I mentioned the possibility of talking to her doctor for suggestions which she refused. 

I said I understand it takes time and if she starts making an effort to improve things then I'll obviously be patient but if no effort is being made then we'd break up.

She said I was being manipulative but I just said she can't expect me to stay in a sexless relationship forever while she repeatedly brings up the fact  it's an issue but won't actually do anything about it. 

AIO for expecting my girlfriend to work on issues with our sex life?

My wife has been kinda secretive with her phone recently. (facing screen other way when using it, locking it immediately when I walk into the room, etc.). She left it unlocked today and I saw she got a message from an old coworker. It was innocent enough but I scrolled back a bit further and she was saying how she was "laying in bed trying to go back to sleep" and his response was "gotta get your man to put you back to sleep" to which she replied with "I wish but he's at work". he then said how he would like to "show her his skills" and what he can do. She didn't exactly say yes BUT responded with her talking about how she can "figure it out herself". Im over thinking it now because why didn't she tell me someone messaged her like that? Why is she still allowing messages from him? AIO?

TL:DR: Wifes old coworker sent her lewd messages. She didn't fully entertain it but also didn't shut it down either.

Am I overreacting? Or is there something going on? Throwaway account but I’m desperately in need of advice. I [28f] and my boyfriend [28m] have been dating for just over a year. It’s been quite well so far and I see him as an honest guy, i.e. nothing has happened before which has caused many alarm bells. However, due to being emotionally cheated on a few times in the past, I feel as thought I am so hyper-vigilant of things but I’m aware this could influence how I perceive things. I’m also going to therapy to help address this. I need advice on whether the below indicates there is something going on or whether I’m truly just super anxious over nothing. Please be as honest/obejctive as much as possible - any anecdotes of either perspective would really help.

Recently however there has been this situation with another girl (lets call her Grace) that has stressed me out and I can’t tell if this is a gut feeling that something is up or if its alot of anxiety. We have all met each other around the same time, I’m unclear if they were good friends before we started dating. I wasn’t aware of whether they were close or not. My bf and I started dating probably 7 months after we all met. To preface, I’d say my bf has quite a few female friends and I don’t take issue with this at all granted theres boundaries set etc.

Context:

Why I feel weird: first off, the initial weird feelings came when my boyfriend and I are out with friends for drinks or a night out, I’d see that he always messages her to see if she would come out. I didn’t think too much of it but after a few times, I started to feel weird because I don’t see him messaging his other girl friends to come out too. I didn’t know how to raise this because I thought maybe it was just me reading into it too much? So I’ve left it. Another situation I felt weird about was when we all hang out in a group of friends - I felt like he gravitated towards her. For example, sits next to her while I’m on the other end of the table. Or even if we are all sitting in a row. one time I felt he was evidently closer to her than me.

Recently they’ve also discussed moving in together - specifically her into his place (although he shares a place with 3 other roommates all men). The way this situation played out however made me feel really upset. He broke the news to me that one of his other roommates wanted to leave, I didn’t think anything of it but when we were hanging out I saw him texting her so I asked him if he had asked her. He said it came up in conversation and they had briefly discussed it but she didn’t seem that keen on it. I took his word for it.

But I feel like this has made me very observant of how they interact together. So fair warning these might just be overreacting/reading too much: We had a party at his place recently, and I felt like I was just observing so much. For example, when someone asked who wants a drink - he asked her first, then he looked at me and asked if I wanted one. When hanging in a circle, and she got up to do something, I saw him check for her/when she was getting back and actively opened the door for her to join back in. But when I got up to go and came back, he didn’t even help open to help me back in.

I’m not proud to say this part but I just felt so overwhelming anxious that I checked his phone and their chat. And I don’t know how to feel about it. I saw that they message quite frequently, maybe not constantly all day, but more than average. He will double text her about things, sending her photos of updates of his day/what he’s doing/getting opinions

about what he’s buying/etc and she will too - the same way he would sometimes with me? A few things that annoyed me though was that he said she should join where he works because she would “fix everything about the job and make it happy”. He also uses alot of emojis/very expressive in his texts with her which reminded me of how he was with me at the start also. I read about the roommate situation and he downplayed so much of it. It was very evident that he was quite keen on her moving in, and she was also asking alot about it They seem to be discussing what they’d do together as a household. He would say things like I think you’d like my friends, you should meet them, etc. There’s nothing that was outright flirty but as he’s not really an outtight flirty guy, the way he was messaging with her just really reminded me of how he used to be with me? I’m not sure if he texts his other girl friends like this too but I’ve never seen their names pop up on his phone the same amount that hers does. In fact, she is pretty much the only other girl he consistently talks to aside from me.

I raised with him that I need upfront communication, we discussed briefly some boundaries of whats normal/whats not and we had both agreed texting someone like what are you up to, etc, feels weird + constantly texting people feels weird.

I don’t know how to feel about this. Is this a normal friendship texting style? Or is there an evident interest in her? How do you guys text your female friends? What are the boundaries for whats friendly and whats not? Am I overreacting about how they interact?

I don’t know what to do. I fear that there is an underlying interest/attraction but he thinks he doesn’t have a shot with her so he’s staying with me. And then who knows if they do move in together, maybe my worst fears will come true.

I originally posted this in the “Parenting” subreddit but it was removed before I can view the responses. Need some perspective please.

I’m a 27F single mom raising a kindergartner, and I work very intentionally to build a healthy social circle and support system for my daughter.

For the past year, my daughter has had consistent playdates with one particular friend her age. Her parents are married, mid-30s. The dad is the primary caregiver and works remotely, so most playdates are coordinated through him, though I’ve also done playdates with the mom when she’s available. Nothing has ever been inappropriate, not even close.

To be clear: I’ve always treated this as a family friendship. I’ve invited both parents to birthday parties, pool parties, game nights, group playdates with other parents/kids; everything has been open and inclusive.

Yesterday, during a playdate, the dad casually mentioned that his wife has accused or at least insinuated that he and I are having an inappropriate relationship. I asked him what he meant, and he went on to explain that his wife often accuses him of cheating “without proof,” that she doesn’t believe men and women can just be friends, and that when our daughters have playdates she assumes something inappropriate could be happening between us.

I was honestly stunned and insulted.

After talking it through with my siblings, I’ve decided two things:

1. I want to ask the mom to talk in person to clear the air.
2. I no longer feel comfortable continuing future playdates.

On top of this, there’s another issue that’s been bothering me. Their daughter is extremely possessive of mine. If my daughter plays with another child, she cries and says things like, “She doesn’t want to be my friend because she’s playing with someone else.” This has happened even at parties I’ve hosted with my daughter’s cousins present. She cries so intensely that adults have had to threaten to take her home if she doesn’t stop.

My daughter does not like this behavior and honestly, neither do I. I’ve asked the parents how they plan to address it, and I’m told she’s “just sensitive.”

Between being indirectly accused of an affair and my daughter being made uncomfortable by this child’s behavior, I feel like stepping back is the healthiest choice.

Am I overreacting, or is it justified to end the playdates altogether?

*****UPDATE****\*

Before I posted, I did try to reach out. I called the mom first thing in the morning but got no answer, so I left a general voicemail asking her to contact me if she was available to meet in person. I also texted the dad, asking him to let her know I tried calling and to ask her to call me when she’s available. He said she recently got a new phone and probably didn’t recognize my number. It’s the end of the day, still no response.

After reading your responses, I’ve decided not to meet with her. I’m going completely no-contact. I explained to my daughter that she won’t be seeing their child anymore and offered to set up playdates with classmates so she wouldn’t feel left out. Thankfully, she’s doing well and already has a playdate scheduled this weekend at the skating rink.

For the adults, I’ve always kept our interactions strictly about our children. But the mom has always felt off to me. On our first playdate, she shared a lot of personal info I wouldn’t normally share with a stranger. On other phone calls, she tried discussing her marriage; I suggested she speak with a therapist or trusted married couples. The dad hasn’t shared anything about their marriage before, which was surprising. We usually talk about work, school, politics, etc. I hope nothing inappropriate was implied because I’m clearly not interested, and now this situation has led to their child’s friendship ending.

Whenever we do playdates, it’s usually in a public setting. We have had some at my home, but usually the dad drops their daughter off and leaves. The mom asked to see the inside of our home the first time they were dropping her off so they could have a date night. Afterwards, she began asking a lot of questions and making comments like:

1.  How long have you lived here? Is this your family’s home?

2.  Your house is big — who lives here?

3.  This is a lot of space just for you all.

I’ve never left my daughter with anyone other than my trusted family members since she was born. One day, we went to their house for a playdate, and the mom wanted to leave the kids to get something to eat, saying they’d be fine with her husband. I said no — I’d be taking my child — and asked where we should go to get food. She asked why, and I explained my daughter would cry without me. She then said, “Oh, I understand you wouldn’t leave her with a man.” I tried to change the subject but immediately thought that was weird — why say that when it’s her husband? Needless to say, we never went to eat, and I left shortly after with my daughter.

Regarding their daughter’s possessiveness, her dad is aware of how emotional she gets when she sees my daughter making other friends during outings, because he’s the one who says once she starts to cry, it’s time to go home. She then stops because she doesn’t want to leave. Each time this happens, I ask him how they are addressing it because it clearly affects their relationship dynamics around making friends. He shared that my daughter should be considerate of his daughter’s feelings, which I disagreed with; my daughter can make as many friends as she wants, and so can his daughter.

This whole situation is messy, and I’m done. I’m focused on my daughter and maintaining a healthy environment for her.

Thank you all, I appreciate everyone’s feedback! I’ll happily answer any questions that weren’t answered with this update.

Hi I just want to get this off my chest and I want to know if maybe I am just overreacting. I (28F) married to my husband (35M) for 1 year now and we have been together for 3years total. In that 3 years even before the marriage I repeatedly told him I am allergic to 2 types of medicines. I dont have any food allergy just some allergy to medicines. I dont want to mention the medicines since I dont want him to know because at this point, I am just really tired of reminding him. Anyway, one of the medicine can literally kill me if I take it and the one will just give me rashes. I dont even remember how many times I mentioned to him that I am allergice to this meds and if I take it by mistake he needs to give me this med etc. I lost count at this point because I know I mentioned it to him so so many times. Last night we are talking on video call and he is showing me the meds that the doctor prescribed to him because he is sick and I told him these exact words “Oh yeah I am allergic to that one/ That was one I took before by mistake and got allergic reactions/ I will get allergy symptoms from that” total of 3 times I told him on the video call that I am allergic. And knowing him, I know he doesnt retain info, I asked him not even 2mins after I said I am allergic, I asked him what medicine was I allergic to and he could not answer.

I asked this to him multiple times and everytime he cannot answer and everytime we will fight about it and then I will repeat to him the meds that I am allergic to but last night I felt like I am really really tired of repeating myself again and again to him. There was even a time where I took a medicine without knowing im allergic to it and although I took allergy med immediately, my eyes and mouth was swollen for a day because of how im severely allergic to it. Few days before getting married I asked him my full name and he also dont know and I kept on thinking that I should have taken that as a sign to not continue with the marriage. We are married for a year now but we also never lived together. We both live in same city at some point but we never live together in one house. We are planning to live together soon but at this point I am scared that I might actually die with him because he doesnt seem to care about my allergies, medical history etc. my concern is that if something happens to me, the doctors will ask him first and I know for sure he cannot answer them. Last night I asked for a divorce and I dont even feel sad about it, I just feel really tired. Am I just overreacting?

EDIT: I did not know it will blow up and I am not as active here. To clear some questions

To add: he is showing his meds to me and since its cold here I also have itchy throat and after telling him im allergic to his med, he told me he will bring the medicines tomorrow and check if i can take it for my throat i told him i cant and he said “why?” And i know he doesnt retain any info and its normal for me to ask him again for things that i want him to remember like my name. I would randomly ask him for my name sometimes. So i asked him “tell me which meds im allergic to” AND HE CANNOT ANSWER. He asked me to repeat it to him and at that point why should i repeat again? Im tired of repeating.

1. ⁠⁠No it was not arranged marriage. We were coworkers but he is on different department thats how we met and became friends and started dating. He did not propose for marriage or anything he just told me one time casually that we should get married and of course, I am very much in love with him so I said “I would love that”. We had civil wedding and we are working in a country that is not our home country. He is living with his 2 brothers and nephews, I am living by myself and 2 friends. On the wedding day, there was no witness from his side and our only witness is my 2 friends. He said we have diff culture and religion so it would take time for his family to accept our marriage so I respected that. We didnt live together because he could not tell his brothers yet. He is my first boyfriend although there were quite few guys who asked me out before, I declined them and went with him. I was really inlove with him. And I know it might sound absurd and unbelievable but until now we didnt do what husband and wife do (adult things, i dont know if i can say the word here)
2. ⁠⁠Now Im realizing everything and I really decided to proceed with divorce. I asked him many times to live together but he just keep saying we are not yet ready. And I guess not remembering my allergies is just the bomb that made me explode because he would always forget things that I already told him hundred times. My birthday (eventhough my friend asked him where we will go on that day), our first anniversary when we were still dating, first wedding anniversary. Anyway, thanks for the comments I cannot read all but yeah, I will proceed with the divorce.
3. ⁠⁠Also, we are expats in another country so healthcare is not like the same in my home country where I can have this and that immediately accessible.

“For people saying AI etc. I put in comments some of my messages to him last year. I changed from android to IOS around october so these are the messages I can only get”

My bf and I were drinking and took a lot of shots. At first we were just tipsy and I was laughing because I was texting my friends in a group chat and joking around, and I said something like “girl get that bbc.” He asked what I was laughing at, I showed him, and he laughed it off and said it was fine and that he doesn’t care what I say and we can joke as long as I’m not cheating.

Later, after we took more shots and were drunk, I was laughing again in the group chat. He asked to see what I was laughing at again, and I got annoyed and asked why he wanted to see it again because it felt like he didn’t trust me. He got really angry and said things like “I’d show you my texts,” brought up what I said earlier, and said “I’d leave right now, I don’t care, I’ll pack my bags in the morning if you can’t show me.” He also said something along the lines of the relationship not mattering that much to him and that he could just leave.

I started crying really hard because I felt like I didn’t even do anything and I was sitting there helpless getting screamed at for no reason. He then said something like “oh now you’re crying?” I laid down and don’t fully remember everything after that, but I think he might have hugged me.

The next morning he acted completely normal and had his arm around me. When I brought it up, he said he didn’t remember any of it and that we were both really drunk and he didn’t mean anything he said. But I’m still so hurt by what happened.

Do you think this was just the alcohol talking, or did it reveal how he actually feels? Or am I overreacting?

I (34F) and my partner (35M) have been together 11 years. For 11 years on a daily basis, I hear about his sexual needs and how he has to masturbate multiple times a day. I have depression, anxiety and CPTSD, which make it hard for me to get in the mood especially with the SSRI’s I have to take, then on top of that I have issues with my baby bits that cause periods to come every 2 weeks. It makes it even harder to get in the mood when he is CONSTANTLY talking about sex/sexual acts etc and brings up this one gf he had that put out 13 times in a day. I work full time and am the one who maintains the house, dinners, washing etc. as he has a “physical” job that makes him tired. So I am the mum and partner at this point.

Yesterday, we had sexy time. He still felt the need to comment about round 2 and the 13 times in one day girl. Today, he’s complaining about “blue balls” even though he finished yesterday. He felt the need to tell me “I’m going for a fap” and I responded in a frustrated tone “yeah ok”. I am well aware of his maturation routine as he tells me about it, hinting I don’t put out enough. If I had a dollar for every time he makes a comment about it, I wouldn’t need a full time job.

I’ve told him he makes me feel inadequate as a partner when he complains about not getting sex more than once a week. I’ve tried libido enhancers etc and it doesn’t help. I’ve told him he makes me feel insecure with the amount he complains. He doesn’t get it at all. I’ve contemplated sneaking estrogen into his protein or something to stop his sex drive being so full on.

I feel like just a maid and piece of ass to him more often than not. I am over the constant sex comments, advances etc and I’ve told him it is annoying being so constant. He hasn’t toned it down and frankly doesn’t care.

So am I overreacting by being mad at this?

Last year, a petty fight with a (28M) friend of 8 years escalated when he used my depression against me. I (28F) cut him off after telling him I need to distance myself because of his toxic traits: heavy drinking, constant trauma-dumping about his family, and misogynistic remarks (e.g., calling his stepmother a "maid and sex tool"). You see he is a bit immature and lack self-awareness. He was the primary caretaker of his late mom so it affected him a lot.

He recently reconnected, crying and hugging me, but when I asked for a healthier friendship (pointing out his toxic thoughts) and a willingness to change, he went silent.

Later, he messaged me claiming he "knows what he’s doing" because he was a primary caretaker for his late mother. He doubled down on his misogyny, claiming his hate for his stepmother is "justified," even though he made those comments before she had even done anything. His stepmom isn't really evil or anything just not up to par with his real mom.

As a woman, I get uncomfortable when he says things like that. When I set boundaries, he promised to stop mentioning depression but ignored everything else, saying, "Respect goes both ways." AIO for wanting to distance myself again?

EDIT: His dad never cheated, his mom has already passed. His dad couldn't take care of his mom because he works overseas. After a few years is when his dad introduced his stepmom which is not evil just not up to par with his real mom. He insults his stepmom for having no work and just a maid at home. I told him to move out for his mental health (his anger is not subsiding even for years) but he said his dad owes him and he won't move out.

So as the title says, I broke up with her about 6months ago, as I was not doing well. After telling her I had made a big mistake and wanted to try again she asked for a month to process things so we are taking it slow hanging out and going on a few dates.

We hooked up twice before Christmas and we're keeping things casual and seeing how we were feeling. We were not exclusive and not fully back together. We have spoken about desires and I mentioned a threesome would be interesting.

Then when visiting friends a few days later she had a threesome on NYE. We were not back together so she really did nothing wrong, It just felt weird as we had been calling and texting all that day and the day after, she text me first thing the next morning, probably still in their bed which in hindsight I feel was strange behaviour from her.

As a precursor, I am very strict on wearing protection when getting with others. She is less so. That's okay however we hooked up a few times since NYE and everytime we did I asked should I wear protection. I did wear a condom twice and once I did not as she said she was 'low risk".

Anyways, long story short she ended up getting an STD from someone else she had been with earlier in the year. Now she tells me full honesty that she had been with that guy and had been unprotected, which she had never previously told me. I was upset as I would have expected her to tell me and then I could have continued wearing protection. Then after we talked it out, I tried to get a timeline and figure out who she had been with, I pressed her about NYE and she then decides to tell me she had been with someone else without protection again, which she hadn't told me because she said she was scared and worried about my reaction. We were unprotected a couple of times since NYE as she again said she was low risk and it was 'up to me' if I wanted to wear a condom.

I am not annoyed that she got with people, although it hurts I made my decision to break up with her and I have to live with it. I still feel though that she should have told me about being unprotected or at least asked me to wear a condom, she knows how I feel about that as she was only the 2nd person I had been with unprotected.

For some context, something similar to this happened when we first got together a couple of years ago, we had a few dates and were getting to know each other, constantly texting and she hooked up with someone at a festival and again didn't tell me she was unprotected until a good few months after.

Wondering how to proceed, I am in love with her but I feel betrayed and hurt that she wouldn't tell me she was at risk and didn't divulve the NYE hookup until I pressed her on it. Why would she have a threesome a few days after me telling her it was a desire of mine, feel malicious. How do I rebuild trust with her or has it gone beyond that? How should I proceed with this relationship?

I also don't want to under react 🤣

Thanks in advance

I(33M) am debating on cutting off, or minimizing contact with my sister(29).

So growing up, my sister and I were alway incredibly close. For her biggest moment, such as her wedding and the birth of her son, I was always around and supported in All ways I could.

About one year ago, I started dating my gf(also 29 f). Both my sister and my gf are relatively quiet people. My sister has had a history of not playing well with others(losing several friends and family members over it).

So I have tried to bring my gf around and each time my sister seemed disinterested. Last summer, I met up with my sister asking her to be nice and stating she is coming across as judgmental and negative(which are common complaints I have gotten about her from my friends, some family & my gf). The judgmental part stuck with her and nothing else, but at the time, she seemingly agreed.

Later that month, my gf decided to make my sister cookies as an attempt to extend an olive branch. That day, my gf and I were going to go to a concert that my sister and brother in law also happened to be going to. I texted my sister about the cookies hoping she’d meet us after to receive them.

We arrive at the concert to find my sister and BiL in the same section. So I go say hi (with my gf) and my sister did not say hi(granted my gf didn’t either). Later on, my sister and BIL leave without saying bye and flat out don’t reach out regarding the cookies.

My sister and I argue and our parents get involved, and seemingly side with my sister due to her autoimmune disease stating that was the reason for her leaving early. Tensions seem to settle down a little.

Fast forward to about a month ago, I decide to propose. Outside of my sister, my friends and family love my girlfriend. I text the all of my plan to propose. I wanted a compilation of messages with everyone’s reactions. My sister leaves my message on read, and states I owe her an in person discussion.

I meet up with her to tell her how she ruined a big moment and made it about herself. She seemingly states I am rewarding my gf’s bad behavior without talking to my sister. I state that I have done so many things over the years for my sister & family but her response is “I didn’t ask for any of it.”

Am I the asshole for wanting to cut her off?

This happened a few days ago. I’m an author, or at least attempting to be. While discussing my plot line with my boyfriend while he was on his way out for an appointment, he noticed that I had a pretty big plot hole that basically made the ending completely impossible as two characters that needed to meet had no actual way of knowing each other. I was pretty embarrassed, and told him he could go while I stayed home and continued writing but he declined, stating he had a few minutes and could keep talking to me about it but this was a huge problem. I mapped out every character’s relation already through my notes but it’s the same equivalent of asking how incarcerated Jeffery Dahmer managed to score a date with Bob Ross. It’s never going to happen. Mostly because they’re not in the same social circles! Honestly thinking back now I don’t know how I never considered it, but their relationship was so crucial to form that I didn’t stop to think about it until he brought it up. When I sunk in my chair he suggested he had a few minutes to help me but I said no, I didn’t want him to be late. He’s gotten fired three times in two years over being late but he insisted otherwise, looking back at the clock maybe every thirty seconds during our fifteen minute painful conversation, like he’s so stressed out to leave. And during this time, he had forgotten everything I had told him about the book. I only tell him about one, yet he didn’t know anything about the main characters (the ones in question were the villain and his henchman), he didn’t remember any relationships and NOTHING made sense. NONE of my characters should know each other as far as he was concerned, and as its a romance thriller book very pressed on the idea of close-knit friendships, he’s basically tearing it to shreds while he keeps looking at the time, criticizing and breaking apart my book from the seams while just needing to leave in just ten minutes.

I begged him to stop. I said we could talk about it another time as he was going to be late but he insisted on talking about it, “not wanting to leave my book like that” but the more I spoke about my idea the more confused he got, and in turn, how stressed out I got. I was trying to explain it fast to get him to leave, assuming he’d remember “the villain hates the main character because he killed his brother IN THE VERY FIRST CHAPTER AND ITS A HUGE THING” but as he kept glancing at the clock, nothing rang a bell. Nothing I’ve been telling him for months got through. Suddenly he thinks Jeffery Dahmer and Bob Ross were brothers that were completely different ages than what I had drawn in the diagram I made just to save time. I felt extremely discouraged because it just made me feel like my story was bad but after looking at the clock with him he was now going to be ten minutes late from when he said he needed to leave. I told him I wanted to stop again but that’s when he changed his mind said it did make sense after all and everything was great. There wasn’t a plot hole at all and Jeffery and Bob would make a happy couple (in terms of crime fighting) and I give in. He finally leaves, and I’m still there feeling like an idiot.

There is a plot hole, an obvious one I cannot overlook anymore but I stg he just didn’t want to admit my book was going to make him late.

This morning when he asked me what my plans were for the day, I said I’d do another hobby and he got frustrated with me because everything he did that day was my fault. He finally reveals could have been late to his appointment after all so when I got frustrated in explaining it to him thinking I was running out of time, he tells me I could have spoken to him for an hour. When I asked about why he was looking at the clock so frequently he said he was trying not to forget everything he was supposed to do “but ended up forgetting anyways” because of the fight. And now I’m stressed out more not knowing what to think. He tells me all the time how forgetful I am, yet when I try to be mindful of his appointment time, apparently he never had an appointment and he just needed to be there anytime past noon before they went to lunch. Even though Im pretty sure I was there when the appointment was scheduled.

Am I overreacting in how I was reading his body language? I might be, but who looks at a clock thirty times in fifteen minutes in a conversation while someone is trying to explain something you are struggling to understand? Why look at a clock when you’re trying to remind yourself to do laundry?!

My bf admits to masturbating to girls he used to hook up with / girls he calls his platonic friends through their instagram and vsco. The first text he told me it happened once and then eventually became "I've been doing this throughout dating you the entire time" he is 26. I've been going actually batshit crazy going through his phone, asking a million questions and crashing out on how could he do this (we've dated 2 years)

Like it says on the title, everywhere else I’ve posted has given me very vague answers so so I guess I’ll just try here. I’ve been in this placement for about a year and a half. I’m mostly comfortable, and not in any dangerous situation. My foster isn’t abusive, but he can definitely be neglectful and forgetful when it comes to the other kids needs including mine. I’ll be aging out soon regardless so I usually just get things done in my own which he never fails to comment on. “I feel so bad! I never do anything for you”. Usually because the few things I do ask for, he takes a long to act on and does little things to make up for it.

Apart from me, there’s two young kids here that need way more support and attention than they currently receive. And because of that the house is always disorganized, messy and loud. (I try to help where I can, but I’ve kinda given up since it’s barely appreciated or kept up with) His bio son still lives with him, and is kind of useless when it comes to helping out his dad. He just stays in his room all day so all chores are left to me, the one other guy that he fostered is in the process of leaving since he’s tired of living here. And I don’t blame him, the youngest kid(a baby) was shoved into his room for some reason, I’m guessing because my foster doesn’t want to deal with him. And the dude has a serious screaming problem.

Onto the meat and potatoes, he wants to get a kid my age and shove them into my room because he wants to encourage people to foster native kids and keep them out of the system. Sweet cause I guess, but I don’t think he needs the extra responsibility when he’s already stressed and overwhelmed now. I’ve tried to hint that maybe he should wait until there’s more space in the house, or the younger kids grow up a bit and have a few less needs but he’s dead set on this. I know first hand that a lot of teens are fresh out of group homes. Many of them have a lot of mental health issues, and need monitoring. He’s gotten extremely lucky because the teens he’s fostered so far are low needs. So I guess now he thinks it’s a walk in the park

And to be 100% honest, I just want to be selfish for a bit longer. I have a space to myself finally, I can call my friends and partner late into the night and have my tv on whatever I want. I get to decorate my room how I like, enough space to put my things, lock my door in order to feel safe. I have a poor sleep schedule and I’m struggling with insomnia, so not having to revolve around someone else’s schedule has been a total upgrade from being trapped and forced to look at 3 other people in one room. I feel like a person, although alienated in this house, as long as I’m left alone I have no serious issues. Now that kind of feels like it’s being taken from me with no consideration for mine or this possible other persons feelings.

I don’t know how old they’ll be, I don’t know what they’ve been through or they’ll behave around me. I don’t know how they’ll behave in general, and it’s honestly a gamble when it comes to cps kids. I’m one to talk I know, but the only reason I’m saying all this is because it’s realistic. And I don’t think anyone has given this a second thought other than me. I don’t know what I could say that could change his mind, so I’m trying to soak up my freedom while I can. But honestly after he dropped the news I’ve kinda been grumpy and anxious, so I don’t know what to do. All I can do is set my sights on moving out ASAP. AIO?